Good and Bad Parenting
What is a good parent?
Why is parenting so hard for some people and so easy for others? I was thinking about this when I was at the mall doing some people watching, and some small kid was arguing with his mom about something. He told her that she was a bad mother and she said no she wasn’t. It made me think; “What is a bad mother? Or bad parent for that matter? Who gets to decide when parenting is tough love or just plain bad?” I sat there staring into space for about 3 ½ minutes thinking about it and then shrugged it off, only to have it come back and haunt me later that day and well into the night.
We both know I don’t have any experience in the parenting field, but I want, or rather, need to know what it takes to be a good parent. When you see moms yelling and hitting their kids, and kids kicking and screaming back at them, you think, “That’s a bad parent”. If that’s bad, then how do you know when you’re being a good parent? Of course every parent thinks they are pretty good at being parents, but how do you know you are? Do you have to take a test? Does somebody tell you? Have you asked your kids? Do they tell you the truth? I tell my parents they do a fine job at parenting, even though I am sometimes dissatisfied with the job they did. I would never tell them that unless they pulled it out of me (or read this blog I suppose…) or we were mad at each other.
Every person in the world who has been upset at their parents has said; “When I am a parent, I’m going to let my kids do this or that”. Now if these kids were really doing what they said they were going to do, I think parenting would be perfected by now. Here are some examples and rules that I have said before in the past, and that I plan to uphold in the future for my kids;
1. Let them stay out late with their friends once in a while. This is the single easiest thing parents can do for their kids and really not have done anything at all. I hated it when my parents wouldn’t let me go to a movie or something just because they didn’t feel like it. YOU’RE NOT DOING ANYTHING!!!! How can a parent say no just because they would rather have you at home? Usually when I ended up staying home, we didn’t even hang out. I would go to my room and play videogames all night. Like that was so much better for me than some movie or something.
2. Parents; don’t make younger siblings hang out with older siblings (or visa versa). This is just stupid. The kids have to live together, and now your making them play together? Don't the younger siblings have friends of their own? I’m sorry, but that’s just retarded. Example: Older sibling; “Can I spend the night at (friend’s house) tonight mom?”
Mom; “Of course!”
Older sibling; “Yeah thanks mom! You’re the best!”
Mom; “As long as you let (younger sibling’s name) go with you.”
(Excitement drains from older siblings face as it is replaced with anger and hatred for both mom and younger sibling)
You see this just makes everyone angry and upset. I don’t think this is anywhere near fair, but apparently some adults think so.
3 Do NOT criticize your kids too much. I can’t even talk about this it pisses me off so much. I hate to say this but I wanted to yell at my parents (or myself) so hard sometimes for the criticism they (she) would give us. It lowers your self-esteem, it makes you feel like crap, and it makes kids hate their parents in the future. This truly is bad parenting at its finest.
4 If you’re going to have “Family time” then spend the time hanging out with your kids as a FAMILY. My parents had family time and everyone spent the entire night in their rooms doing something totally anti social. This made me miserable and ironically made me not like my family even more. And if your going to force your kids to stay home, at least make family time fun. Talking about problems and worries is neither fun nor entertaining. It’s lame and embarrassing.
5 Giving your kids a million things to do and then complaining when some of them don’t get done. Kids should share responsibilities and not be burdened with adult life. We’re not robots ya know. This also falls under the category of letting younger siblings get away with anything and not having any responsibilities, while the older siblings get a crapload of things they need to get done before dinnertime or else a punishment occurs.
These are just 5 major things that I told myself I was never going to do to my kids when I am a parent. I am sure there are plenty more out there and I might add some later on, but for now, I promise never to subject my kids to any of these rules. I am sorry in advanced if you are offended by these things but these are MY opinion. Its not intended to insult in any way whatsoever. You dont have to take it seriously. What do you think parents of the world? Are these too extreme? I’m expecting some good answers.
~Ian
posted by Ian @ 3:23 PM
49 comments
49 Comments:
Ian, you make me laugh because you have all these ideas of things that were a big deal to you that are nothing at all(no offence). Staying out late? Why? What goes on late at night that gorifies God? Did you ever think that when they said no, it was because they wanted a relaxing night without worrying about you all night? Its easy to judge parenting when you are not a parent. I used to work in childcare, and pre-school (same thing) and I saw some parents do things that I swore I would never do. Guess what? Yep, you got it, I do them. Don't always judge a parent by what they do in public either. Kids use being in public to bring out their worst behavior. It never fails. Every time I'm at the kids Dr. Isaac is really bad. He will run down the hall 5-10 times, open doors, and scream. I know that I'm not a perfact parent, but I'm not that bad either. He just knows that isn't a place where he will get dissaplined, so he can do what he wants. Try hard not to think bad of parents, its harder than it looks. I thought I would be a great parent. I'm not nearly as good as I thought I'd be. What makes a good parent? The Lord. Your main goal should be to raise you children in the love of the Lord, and then pray like crazy that you don't mess them up.
Pray like crazy huh? Well I will have to try that then. Although, I am not talking about letting your kids go out so they can smoke or something. I am assuming of course that you trust your kids enough to know that they wont do anything wrong. Once kids have established this relationship, then they should earn the freedom to be able to stay out late hanging out with their friends.
P.S. I think Nikki means Glorifies God. Not gorifies. Thats just weird.
Yes, I did mean glorifies God. Thank you. Also, it was always after I had my parents trust that I messed up. Its sometimes parents trust that gets kids in trouble. Not that all teens should be in by 8pm, but if they won't let you stay out late its not always because they have no reason. Also, if you are out late, what are you doing? Movies you mentioned are something you go to late, but why not go to an early show if it will eliminate conflict with ones parents? Late movies are more fun, and sometimes you should be able to go to a late night movie, but keep in mind sometimes parents are keeping you away from creepy people in the world, and not from having fun. Why is it Ian that your sight makes me sound like a old lady. I feel like I say the kind of stuff Michele Nunnink used to say to me when Eric and I were your are. Way back when. Also, when it comes down to it you are supposed to honor and obey your parents, so there should be no question. I fear having teenagers. Not because I don't like teens, but because mistakes as parents are much bigger and life altering than when they are three. Ok, I'll shut up now.
1. I dont mean to make you sound old Nikki, but sometimes parents can be strict for no reason.
2. If you have good friends, and a good reputation with your parents, then going out late shouldn't be a major problem. Not all teens go out and do drugs.
3. Trust me, you dont sound like Michele Nunnink. I cant wait to hear what she has to say about this log.
I kinda wanted to sound like Michele. He he. I know you don't want to go out late and do drugs. You are a good kid. I was a pretty good kid too. Its just a lot different when you have kids of your own. A lot of things your parents did that seemed like a bunch of crap doesn't seem so bad. Trust me. I know what a good kid you are Ian and you do hang with a great croud, and I know I know nothing about your parents or upbringing. I love my children more than you know, and I will definitly sacrifice their happiness for their safty. My poor kids aint doin' anything when they are teenagers. Poor kids.
Aha! Here I am! Great post, Ian. I admit, I too laughed out loud, like my young friend and disciplette, Nikki.
Nikki's right, parenting becomes a whole new world, when you actually become one. I always said, "I'll never stand at the river, yelling at my kids." etc. and of course I've become and done many things because of love, stress, worry.
But, it's good you're thinking about it, in your own unknowing little way.
The staying out late thing is iffy. Yes, if the kid is good he deserves freedom. But, the word also says to give your brother no occassion to stumble. (or to fall into sin.) A lot of stuff happens to strong Christians when they're not accountable, or have too much freedom. I may trust my kids and my husband. But, would it be wise to send them and allow them to go to places that could make it extremely easy and tempting to sin? Late nights, with obviously no parents, (or those handy younger siblings) to be accountable to, could cause you to fall into something that could mess you up. This is what boundries and accountablility is for.
Your other points are excellent, though. Too much critisism, too much responsibility, can make homelife a drag.
The problem with parents is pure and simple; they are to far removed from kid-hood. Its amazing they have cold hard proof that they too were once your age, but I don't know what they did with their memories. the other day i was describing situation that I was glad didn't happen. She was amazed that this would embarrasse me , but I know that if she was my age all would become perfectly clear and she would never think of putting me subject too such shame. Also is she could put herself in a 17 year olds shoes she would understand why it is really important to me that i get to stay out until 12 instead of 11. Its not gonna hurt them any to let me stay out that extra hour but it will hurt me allot to have to leave early.
I am not going to do this , I already have an insurance policy that will prevent it called a diary.
ian-
i agree with pretty much all your stuff. good post!
I think its time that all the kids got together and start a revolt over the parents. Ok maybe not, but it would be nice to know how it feels to be a parent for at least a day. I know parenting is no walk in the park, but Roz is right; its the little things like staying out that extra hour that makes a difference in our lives. It might seem stupid in your eyes parents, and maybe they are, but the fact is that teenagers need more freedom from parents. I hated being tied down to my parents. I say if you trust your kids then prove it to them by letting them do stuff every so often.
Notice the only people who agree with everything Ian said are people who don't have kids and are still living under their parents rules. No offence Roz, but you have a mom that really loves you and is totally bringing you up in the Lord. How lucky you are. Not everyone has that and you should thank the Lord that you do. What if your mom let you stay out till 12 every night? What kind of stuff would you be doing? Why must you do it at night? Plus you guys are kinda being a bad example to Madaline who reads this. She is already getting an early start on parent bashing. Think about how much your parents have done for you guys. Sorry to be such a bummer, but you guys are really bugging me that you think you are going to be these great parents that let their kids stay out late and do... whatever. Great, your kids will end up pregnant at 15, and have 6 kids by 4 different dads. But as long as they got to stay out till 12 that's fine. I really love you Roz, and I know you are going to be mad at me now. I love you a lot. Why? Because your parents helped you become the awsome God honoring girl you are.
Did I or did I not say "If you trust your kids!" I'm not talking about parents who dont care about their kids. I'm talking about kids of families who have the complete trust of their parents.
Dont parents understand: When you try to hold your kids closer and tighter to you, the more they are going to want to squirm away. When you make your kids stay home all the time until they are sick, then when they get to move out they will go crazy with all the freedom they now have, and will most likely do worse things than if you let them have freedom when they were teens. Thats just the way we are.
Granted, our parents have done more things for us then we can ever count. But there is a point when we want to get out and get away from our family and just be with our friends and if our parents dont let us, then we are just going to forget all the good things they have done for us and mainly focus on the bad. Yea its stupid but thats what we do.
And no I am not going to be a perfect parent but I am going to do my best to find the happy medium between keeping them at home and letting them go with their friends.
P.S. Nikki's right. Roz you are an awesome girl!
~Ian
Ho! I came home from my errands, and found Nikki has morphed into a better, more forceful version of myself! Sort of a combo Dr. Laura and that cool black lady from The Lady Killers. You go, Nikki. Thanks for your support while my punky kid and her punky homey gang up on me.
About trust, Ian. I have found that I really can't trust one person, not even myself. I'm not trying to sound over-spiritual, but to take the phrase from the dollar, "In God do I trust" He's the only one who wont' screw up.
For example, yes, I "trust" my husband. But, would I trust him left alone in a room full of Playboy magazines?
I "trust" myself. But, would I hang out late, on a couch, all alone, with a super handsome guy that I was really attracted to, even though I'm married?
Does my dad, a recovering alchoholic, hang out in bars, and trust himself?
What I'm saying is, the reason parents put restrictions on their kids, is they trust them, but know their weaknesses, and try to train them to avoid putting themselves in situations that could be overwhelming for them. Mature believers do this automatically, but kids seem to want to test the waters alot.
I'm with you, teenagers, as they prove they make really good decisions, should be given a longer rope. Most good parents do this. We do, even though Rosalyn feels we're often strict. She's made a lot of good decisions, but the super-late stuff is honestly to protect her safety. After 11:00 at night, there are a lot more drunks on the road, and many more unsavory characters wandering about.
Zach, you're showing a lot of maturity, saying your folks have done a good job. It often takes years for kids to look back on their home, and say, "They did a great job." Maybe someday, when Rosalyn and Ian get out of their support group, they'll admit this.
It's funny, I used to look at the kids when I was in school, that had tons of freedom, and say, "They have such cool parents." Now, I talk to those kids, that are grown up, and realize their folks just didn't care where they were.
Do the math, look around at your peers. Is it not the kids with more strict parents that have made it through without falling into a lot of sin?
Freedom is something that sould be given gradually, in my opinion. Parents shouldn't say, "ok now that you are 18(or whatever) you can do whatever you want. Both parent and child should give a little bit. Your parent lets you go out at night but says you have to be back at an early hour, in addition to this they are fully aware of where you will be and with whom and why. You(the child) should honor their request and obey them just as they obey the Lord. After you have shown obedience and honor to them they should accept the fact that you are now a little more mature and the next time you want to go out maybe you can stay out later. The reason they don't want you to go out could be because they don't agree with the movie you're seeing or the people you're with or the place you are going to. Good parents love their children as Christ loves us and gave Himself for us. However if you child has never given you cause or reason to doubt his/her honesty in what they are doing I don't see a problem in giving them the freedom they deserve. Also, night tends to be a better time to go places and do things because durring the day people have jobs and work they have to do. Night is when things can relax. I don't necessarily agree with staying out EXTRA late though. Children should have boundries. It makes them feel secure and let's them know that they are still have limitations. These are just a few thought's that came to me in reading this blog and its comments.
First, Michelle, Do you think you live in the ghetto or something? Its Grass Valley for crying out lout! Sure maybe the streets are .07% more dangerous then at daytime, but its not some crime infested town or anything. These scenarios are entirely unrealistic and I’m not saying kids never fall into temptation or anything, but usually they are with other friends that you approve of and doing things that you approve of. You might not know your kids weaknesses because your kids might not tell you what they are. Sure, kids want to test the waters, but they are going to do so regardless of how early their curfew is. If you are tyrannizing them to the breaking point, then eventually they will break the rules and there is nothing any parent can do about it. Kids will break the rules no matter what. I did and I bet you all did too.
Here is the thing: if you have too strict rules on your kids, they are going to want to pop. Then when they turn 18 they can just move out and sleep with whoever and smoke whatever they want and nobody can say anything about it, and you’ll just have to sit back and watch wondering “where did I go wrong?”. That’s a little extreme, but I know kids (through the public school system) who have done this just to spite their parents. Yes, I know all of you have wonderful children who would NEVER think of doing something like this right? Anyways….
To whoever you are: I think its good to have a step by step process in trusting your kids. If they prove they can be home by 9 and do whatever you say, then next time they should be allowed to stay out till 11 or 12. Small things like this really help teens get along with parents. Just something to think about.
I was gonna defend myself but ian did a good enough job. Thanls Ian!. P.s I still love you nikki!
Thanks for the back up Michele, and I love you too Roz. Nattalie and Zach.... You're both showing a lot of maturity and I love you for it!
Ian, I hope you noticed that Nikki didn't mention your name on the "mature" list. You know I love you, dear little brother, but I think you're on shaky ground here. I want to save this blog and give it to you as a shower gift when you have a little baby girl.
Of course I know my kid's weaknesses. Unless they're tempted to be a serial killer, or a pyromaniac, they're probably pretty typical.
The whole mentality of "You-better-let-them-do-stuff-or-they'll-rebel" is really called "be-afraid-of-your-kids" and disgusts children and frustrates them more than over-strict rules. Kids need to obey their parents because they are the God-ordained authority over them, just like you are under a lot of authority now, in the service. When people under any authority misunderstand it, and constantly buck it, or hate it, they usually don't fare well. Think about this; the obnoxious smart aleck in school, the person kicking dirt at the umpire, or the wife trying to rule her household. It really messes things up.
Now, we all agree that overly-strict parents, I mean parents who won't allow any freedom in a Godly older child's life could lead to frustration and rebellion. But, for a parent to make rules to keep a kid from stumbling or to keep them safe is good and wise. (And yes, Grass Valley can be dangerous at night. Sit quietly sometime in your car at Safeway for example some evening after nine. You'll see everything from Neo-nazis to Cholo gangs wandering through the parking lot. And, I lost 2 very close friends and a dear cousin to drunk driving, not very far from your house. They were Rosalyn's age.)
You want to be very careful about stirring dissention among your peers, causing them to question the wisdom of their parents. Once I overheard Jim, (Nattalie's dad) tell her "no" when she wanted to go to a concert or something. She looked disappointed, but didn't pout, and was respectful. I knew she was bummed and I took her aside and said, "You know, someday you'll know he's like that cus he loves you so much." And this is true. Jim is strict, but it's clear he adores Nattalie.
Ian, someday, when you have the huge responsibility before God of passing your faith on to your kids, and keeping them safe, you'll see. It's easy to be very strict and careful when you have so great a treasure.
Wow, Sorry Im such a brat. ) :
Boy you said it Roz. I didn’t intend for this blog to become an “Ian hates his parents and all adults” fling. I just wanted to say how I was going to raise my kids and things I wasn’t going to enforce on them. I don’t CARE how any of you perceive me and I KNOW parenting is hard. I never ever said it was easy anywhere in this blog.
Michelle: Of course I am on shaky ground here; I have never done it before. You parents (Michelle and Nikki) don’t have to defend yourselves here because I am not saying you did a bad job at parenting. I think you did an awesome job at parenting. The ONLY thing I was saying in this blog, is how I am going to do things when I am a parent. Its not like I will be alone either, I’m going to have a wife to help out as well.
Another thing: Kids don’t have to obey their parents! But good kids choose to because it’s the right thing to do. If you’re not a saved person, and your 15 and your parents want you to stay home but you want to go out, then you will most likely ignore your parents and go out anyways. I know Tons of kids who don’t listen to their parents. Every saved kid I know does listen to his or her parents though because it’s the right and honorable thing to do. I listen to my parents and so did you. Now I don’t want to try to get other kids to rebel against their parents because I think as long as you’re younger than 18 then your parents own you. But until then parents should get kids used to surviving in the real world, and the real world lets them do whatever they want with no adult supervision. I want to train my kids to be totally independent for when they move out.
Last thing: I don’t want this blog to cause indifference between any of us. I love you all and I can tell tempers are starting to get high. Don’t take any of this to heart, and I am not trying to insult any of you in any way, so don't take this personally.
Ian, there really is no place in the world where you can do anything you want, of course you know that, right? You're always under some kind of authority.
I admit the scenerios you described sounded a little like our parenting, and many of the folks in our church, so I did take it a bit personally.
You're a good kid and you know I love you mucho. No more words now, just hush. I'm going camping. (I hope no burglars read this blog.)
Ian how can you say how you will raise your children when you have never had them? I pray for wisdom from God all the time because I want to do his will in bringing up my kids. That is the goal, right? Raising children to become God loving adults. Grass Valley doesn't have to be "dangerous" for kids to be killed or hurt. I think Michele did a good job making that point. Also you have interesting ideas about Grass Valley. Do you know how much meth people are on here? Just because there are no gangs and shootings doesn't mean its a totally safe place. People are on drugs and drinking everywhere you go, and that increases at night time. Also there are still crazy people out there who want to rape girls and boys. Yes they even live in our little Nevada county. Don't believe me? Go on the Megans Law web sight. There are a bunch of them. There is so much as a parent you want to protect your kids from, I can't even begin to make a list. We can't protect them from everything, but we should do all we can to get them to 18 as safe and wholesome as possible. Yeah they will be more rebeliouse if we shelter them too much. There is a fine line that I hope I can not cross in doing that. I Still think you are cool Ian, just mislead on what makes a good parent. And I'm not heated at all, for some reason this topic hit a hot spot with me.
I'm with Nattalie Roz, you're not a brat at all!!!!!! Nattalie is so right on about none of us being good all the time, and Jesus covering our sins. She is a cool girl (I can just tell) and I want all the teenagers to hang out with her. Heck, she is a good influence on me.
I disagree with Nikki,I don't think any of you sound at all mature.Quit complaining until you have something real to complain about.
eric,
you disagree with Nikki?You are going to get me into trouble.Now she's gonna think I wrote that post and I'll be in deep doo-doo.
Very funny Eric. You are in deep doo-doo you do-do. And may I say I'm glad I brought you to silence Ian.
Hmmmm...
*rubbing my hands together fiendishly*
Where to dive in?
First of all, Ian, I read in one of the comments that the reason we parents don't "get" some of this stuff is because we are "too far removed from our childhood".
That's funny.
Actually, the reason it looks like we don't "get" it, is because we get it better than you. We have hindsight and if you know the saying "hindsight is 20/20 vision" you'll know what I mean. Not only do we remember what it was once like as kids/teens, but we know the outcome of our choices that we made. All you have is the opportunities to have fun and your parents stopping you from doing the things you want to do. Example:
I vowed, as a kid, that I would NEVER tell my kid he couldn't have a friend over when they wanted one. My parents were really tight about that. There were three of us sisters and we could only have like one friend over for a sleep over like once a month; we had to take turns too so it was almost 3 months between overnighters or play dates.
LAME, right?
Not really. Ryan is a different kid when his friends are here. He is more bold in disrespecting me, he asks for food and drinks all day long, he asks to do things he knows he's not normally allowed to do just to put me on the spot in front of his friend and he's really hyper.
For him to be able to have a friend over means I have to go through this huge discussion with him about how to behave and everything and sometimes he's obedient and sometimes it's a big, fat trial. I see now that perhaps this was the way it was for my parents. Instead of being able to enjoy a peaceful weekend, they had a daughter acting like a brat to show off in front of the friend. Get it?
Also, about staying out late--I totally agree with you. *suprise* I think that if a trustworthy child has proved that they can respect a curfew and be where they say they are, there is no reason why they can't go to a late movie or something. However, this should be a special treat and not abused. Like Nikki said, it's worrisome when your children are out late at night. Why?
Because kids with lame, lazy parents are also out late and they are usually bored and looking for ways to entertain themselves. That means picking fights, driving crazy, doing drugs, drinking, and these kids are out with my kids.
Get that?
Another thing about giving your kids a million things to do and that kids shouldn't be a part of "adult life"??
Kids have no responsibilities when they are young and we, as parents, would be doing a huge disservice if we never held you guys accountable to "adult life" experience.
Chores and other responsibilities is not only to prepare teens for the real world, but also to teach you the value of a dollar earned for hard work and also that it is only right to contribute to the work that goes in to maintaining the home you teens like to live in. Sure, some of you are in school and working while living at home and so the extra work around the house seems overwhelming. Well here's a solution:
Move out and try to keep up an apartment, laundry, groceries, food preparation, cleaning, your car, and etc.
*sigh*
Okay--
I've typed enough. Great comments by all, even the teens. *I love you*
Okay about the family time, I totally agree. My family used to say that we couldnt do ne thing friday nites, cuz that was family nite. However, we never did anything together...we just went on as normal nites were, watching tv alone, or going to bed.
also, about spending time with ur younger siblings. When we went to Tahoe, it was for a church thingy. A whole bunch of ppl came from different churches, ppl i hadnt seen in years. So, this was a perfect time to catch up , right? Well not to my mom. This is what she said, " U have barely spent anytime with the family! This is a family encampment" But of course she forgot that we r all homeschooled, and spend pretty much 24-7 with eachother. Also, the "family" in family encampment was referring to , the Family of God. So...i duno.
Sry for my use of chatting/internet lingo. I am just too tired and have way to much stuff to do before the nite is over.
Sadie, you made some awesome points and I agree with you. I have disagreed with almost everyone on this blog at some point or another but you are right on.
Just to let you all know, Ian is in Pendleton and doesn't have internet access so he might not be able to get on for a while(in case you were wondering about his absence). He was living in his own apartment in san diego before he left, fyi.
I love reading everyones comments and I think it's a good way to learn from everyone's opinions.
I love you all!
Mariah-
I'm hurt that you disagree with me! I obviously didn't teach you very much when I had you as a student. Always agree with me!!!!! That is a rule you are not allowed to forget! I love you anyway.
Mariah--
Aw, thank you. I feel for teens sometimes. Having been one myself, (and not THAT long ago) I remember the injustices of youth. However, I rarely put myself in my parent's shoes.
Now that I can see both sides of the coin, I feel like that gives me a unique perspective.
I try to hear the side of the teen and weigh what they have to say against what I know to be true. I heard Ian say that a trustyworthy teen that wants to stay out past curfew, is reasonable and I agree. Now it's Ian's job to stand in a parent's shoes and hear the reasons why it's scary for us to give you guys freedoms...
I wait to hear from ya, Ian.
:)
Well I'm back, but not for long, and i dont know when i will be back on again. Nobody can silence me when it comes to my blog! Although Michelle and Nikki do a pretty good job of taking over in my leave. (PS Michelle, I DIDN'T comment on Levi's blog cause the computer wouldn't let me see the preview. Or I just want to make you mad, just pick one)
Thank you sadie for saying you agree with me about staying out late. That is a major thing for me cause i hated control over my time when there was nothing better to do.
Mariah, thank you for letting people know where i am so they dont think Im affraid of commenting back or something. I love you so much!
Nikki, stop trying to control Mariah or I will be forced to distroy you. Just kidding.... but seriously, i love your comments. Except for the fact that your probably going to sit me down and have a "Mature" talk when i come back about parenting or something. I know parenting isn't easy, but at least i know what I will and wont do with my kids. I think you and Michell should combine together to form some sort of Super-strict Mega-mom or something. It would be like every teens worst nightmare. Ok i'm just messing around with you. But you two are a handful online.
Well I have to go, but I will be back some time in the distant future. Love you all!
P.S. Amber, sorry about that E-mail I owe you, I'm working on it, trust me.
I don't feel like I have to sit you down and have a mature talk with you Ian. The day your wife gives birth I will walk in to the hospital and you will bow before me and all my wisdom. Just kidding! But you will see and I will be there to remind you. As for Michele and I. We would make a great team. Man, we could destroy all late night teenagers. It would be a beautiful thing. You know I learned everything I know from Michele. She is responsible for it all. It wasn't very long ago that I was a teenager. Even less time than Sadie.
Yeah Nikki, but you got to do whatever you wanted. I was forced to be naughty and sneak around to do harmless things because my parents tried to lock me in my room after 9pm. *sniff*
*feeling sorry for myself*
Even when Dan and I were serious about each other, my parents still refused to let me see a late movie and stay out after curfew--I was 19!!
Sheesh.
It's no wonder I moved out.
Oops.
Did I say that?
Ok I will admit that this was all really easy for me to say because my parents gave me a lot of freedom. There, I feel better because I told you the truth. I had to tell my parents where I was going, who was going to be there, the phone number, everything that was going to be happening, and then along with them we would come up with a good time. If I was going to be late then I just had to call and say where I was and why we would be late. I was the baby of three kids can you tell? Way too much freedom. The Lord had a plan for my life. It is only by his grace that I was a pretty good kid. (Compaired to Sadie) Hehe. Now all that being said, all my friends had way more freedom than I did, and they would go to my house to hang out with my parents. Why? Cause my parents showed an interest in what was happening in all our lives.
Sadie, I'm sort of surprised at you. Were you and Dan really the hunky dory couple just wanting to sip a soda down at Arnie's?
Your parents probably saw how serious you were and were trying to protect you both.
I like what you said in your first blog. It's not that we don't remember what it's like to be a teen, we DO!
Michele,
See, this is a sensitive issue for me with my parents. I don't even talk about it with them anymore. They got wise AFTER me and learned the wisdom of being supportive of and involved in their daughter's relationships. I see my parents are WAY more invested in Sarah and Emily's boyfriends (nick and travis) than they were with Dan, in the beginning. I could probably count on one hand the times my parents asked Dan to stay for dinner.
One time Dan and I got home really late from our trip to Marine World and Dan was so exausted, I was afraid he'd crash the car. When we got to my house, I asked mom and dad if he could crash on the sofa, they said no.
I remember storming out of their bedroom saying," If my boyfriend dies in a car crash, it'll be your fault."
He had to drive from Rough and Ready to Lake of the Pines that night! I couldn't sleep I was so worried.
They had no trust in me.
They will tell you it's because I got caught doing naughty things and I will tell you that the naughty behavior was a product of their tight grasp on me and their unrelenting control issues.
*getting up off the councelor's couch now*
Haha okay Ian, its fine, just take your time. Well actually I take that back....give it to me now! haha jk. But thanks for putting an effort at that email, and making it an obligation. ;)
I know, Sadie. I do feel for first borns. It's like we over obsess about everything they do. It happens in every family. Even my picture perfect one. Poor Levi.
Always remember what the Lord says about the wrong things our parents did, "Love covers a multitude of sins." and I like also what Joe Glenn says, "You know you've really grown up when you've forgiven your parents."
I know, your parents should've been more consistant and involved in your courtship with Dan. What I was trying to say is that when a couple is very serious they probably need more accountability and bounderies. Dating alone, late at night, can be a huge trap for even strong Christians madly in love. (Don't even get me going on how sideways I think dating is. Or Ian will block me from his blog.)
Sorry to have offended you, Sadie. You did turn out pretty darn good, though. Your folks instilled a strong conscience in you, a basic respect for others and a strong love and loyalty for family. Great values. I know you know they did a lot right, and you're blog is always praising all their hard work.
But,Ian, that's why I kind of jumped in here. Again, we need to watch ourselves when we see our opinions stirring up rebellion, bitterness and attitude. I know you would never would purposely do that. I've seen wives sit around and get going on their husbands, and complain, or folks dis the elders, whatever. (And, I've been guilty of all this.) Murmuring, or in any way inciting others to do it against the ones their told to love and honor isn't cool. Even though I see you trying to control that it kind of keeps creeping in. You need to nip it in the bud!
Just for the record Michelle,
You have yet to offend me.
I love you!
Sadie
Uh-oh, I think we've scared Ian off of his blog. Are you there, old boy? We promise not to take over again if you come back. (Mwa-ha-ha-ha)
Geez there were a lot of comments on this one. Of course, I myself would like to share my opinion. Which is pointless because all of you will ignore it like I ignored most of yours. (No offense, I just don't have time)
1. I agree with this one for the most part. As long as you trust your children I don't really see any reason why they can't stay out as long as they would like. I will make one exception. If the parent has to do any driving that is quite understandable. Driving your kids anywhere any time after 9pm must be a drag.
Nikki I aggree with you too. Like I said, I agree with everyone at some place or another. I think everyone has gotten a little over-heated over this blog. I seriously doubt that any of us teens will say to our kids, "ok, now that you have your license here's the keys to the car, go out and do whatever you want. Just be back by midnight." Of course once we have kids and our love for them hits us we are going to want to protect them from any and all evil the world has to offer. Of course trust in God's protection over them should come into play in this. Anyways, I should go hang out with my family in case they forget who I am. jk. I love you all!
P.S. Nikki you were the bestest teacher I could ask for! Love You!
Ok people, this blog has gotten out of hand. I just want to say thank you all for your insight and i hope i can repay you all someday. I wont be commenting very much on my blog because at $1 every 10 mins, it kinda adds up, plus i can only do it on the weekends. The point is, I dont even know what this blog is aobut anymore and i am sure this will be my all time high for comments. I hope we all learned something from this: I will be the perfect parent no matter what anyone says. I thank you all, but i must be going because I have to go camping out in the field from Monday to thursday night and i need to buy some tools. I love you all and I hope to hear from you soon. Ok i will talk to you next weekend.
~Ian
Yes Nattalie, I miss him too. But I'm sure you've already guessed that.
So does this mean you're not going to blog, because it costs too much money? Aren't our tax dollars paying you to do our will? How are Sadie, Nikki and myself supposed to share our views with the people? Hmmm?
Yes he's getting paid just like everyone else, but is there something wrong with frugality? Michele, I know you are a very conservative spender along with Denise Salisbury and a handful of other people. This is a good thing, too! However, if you had to spend one dollar for ten minutes of computer time you probably wouldn't be on very much. You probably we're not being entirely serious though. It is my opinion that Ian should write another blog for everyone to start fresh. That is if and when he has time or money or both. x's and o's to you all.
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Emily
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