Chuck Almighty

Dear Everyone.
Sorry for the absence, things have been busy here. I want to catch you all up on things.
Well I will be flying out for TQ sometime in December, not sure when yet though. Still waiting for the response.
Here’s some good news, Chuck Norris came by to visit us. I saw him but didn’t actually get to talk to him. He was signing autographs at the chow hall. In honor of his visit, I have decided to post my favorite Chuck Norris Facts here for you all to enjoy. These are facts which may or may not have been proven yet, but are probably true.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.

On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

And one of my personal favorites:

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
I hope you all take this to heart. I’ll talk to you all later.
~ian