My New Girlfriend

Ok, it has been way too long since my last post. Sorry about that. Lets get this out of the way now shall we?

So the other day, i was working with some other marines and one of them asked me "So doc, you have a girlfriend?" I replied with "No, I'm all alone" Partly joking, partly dying inside. Of course his next response was "Why not?" I wasn't really in the mood for talking about my dating habits so i tried to kill it with the classic: "I don't have time for a relationship" then i said something somewhat shocking even to myself. Without hesitating i said "The military is my girlfriend" I thought that was an odd choice of words, but it seemed to satisfy him as an appropriate response. I didn't really think much of it at the time, but later that night it was all i could think about.

Married to the military. It's stupid to think about, so i did it anyways. After lots of not sleeping, i thought "Hmmmm.... the military is like a relationship" Sometimes you love it, other times you want to strangle it with its own rope. You invest a lot of time into it to make it happy so it will get off your back, and sometimes it really lets you down. You spend money on it all just to keep it happy and hassle free. You hang out with it, you play with it (sometimes) and waste lots of energy on it. You put up with it when it's in a bad mood and you tolerate it, and sometimes feel like it takes you for granted. It's really like a girlfriend who you hate but don't want to break up with yet until she lets you drive her overly protective dad's car when he is not around.

Then I got to thinking how every job is like a relationship. It has needs of you, it wants you and you want it (but for totally opposite reasons) and it demands at least 40 hours a week from you to keep it happy. A job is like a rich girlfriend who pays you to hang out with it, and we all know that if your getting paid to hang out with your girlfriend, she must be pretty ugly, which most company's are on the inside. You give it time and energy and it gives you money. It's a very nice give and take relationship. Actually, it's more like prostituting your body, mind and soul 5 times a week and some holidays. It's not just a relationship but it's a family too. It has parents you have to meet and get along with (Bosses, parent corporations, ect), Grandparents (Founders and CEO's) and brothers and sisters (branches and divisions). It wants you to look good for it so it looks like its being good to you. A lot like a battered wife i guess. And you have to present yourself professionally otherwise you will have big problems. And everyone else who works there isn't dating the same girl (job), but rather dating its best friend who is just like it in every way only slightly different. This "Job/girlfriend" is very clingy too. It always wants more from you, more time, more activities more little meetings and get-togethers of all sorts so you can enjoy work more than you want to. It wants to keep your morale up so you don't get bored with it or cheat on it with a newer, younger company who does things this company doesn't do, or something to that effect.

It was coming to be about 2:10 in the morning, and it was about this time when I realized that life is a relationship. A relationship in which there is no escape except when God decides to grace you with the sweet, sweet release of death. Life treats you both good and bad but either way, you're stuck with it no matter what. Life takes a lot of hard work and costs a lot of money and somehow has the nerve to act like you owe it something in the end. It has a tendency to treat you poorly (just like a bad girlfriend or boyfriend) and then turn around and act like everything's cool between you two. It gets happy and sad, it has emotions just like a person. And that's when I realized that I am somehow stuck in a relationship with myself. I sometimes don't like myself, I get mad at myself and I always find me talking to myself. I sing to myself (when no one is around of course) I get bothered with myself and I like to spend money on myself. I don't like when myself flirts with other peoples selves, I want to make sure myself is safe and I like to make sure myself feels good about itself (myself). This creates quite a problem you see, because whenever I (me, not it(myself)) do something that myself (it not I (me)) doesn't approve of, there are consequences that must be dealt with because I am not the only one my actions are affecting anymore. So now when I (me) want to do something, I have to make sure we (us) agree on it so our issues are resolved in a timely manner. What a horrible thing to stumble upon. Everyone is in a gay relationship with themselves! And there is nothing we can do about it! Do you ever not like youself sometimes? Thats the other you not liking the....well....other you. We are all stuck dating ourselves and now we have to live with it. This is our permanent spouse: Us.
What a breakthrough. I should really invest more time into this, but i have to be at work in like, 4 hours so, Later.
~ian