My Narnia Review!

Warning! This will spoil some of the movie if you havent seen it yet.


Wow, this movie was awesome. It had everything I could ask for in a movie about adventures in a wardrobe. I had some comments about it, mostly positive of course, but overall I think the director, Andrew Adamson (also directed Shrek) did an excellent job of interpreting the beloved children’s story into a movie.
Now I know most of you will dive right into your comparisons such as Aslan and Jesus. Good vs. Evil, Dreadlocks vs. Manes, and the like. There is one comparison that I don’t think anybody will go into details about though. That of course is beautiful vs. ugly. This difference is so clear it was the first thing I noticed. All the bad guys are ugly, dirty, hairy and don’t speak proper English. While on the other hand, all the good guys are beautiful and graceful, charming and have British accents for some reason. That’s a pretty clear cut way to figure out what team you’re on. If your ugly and have questionable hygiene problems, your evil. If you an Abercrombie model and you resemble Jonathan Taylor Thomas in any way, you’re a good guy. That’s probably why there were so many more bad guys than good guys. The good team was just too picky when it came to taking sides. Just an observation though.
Now here are some things I liked about the movie:
1. No matter how small and worthless you are, you can still fight in a world war. Take Susan for example, the most useless appendage in the whole movie. The only thing she did that was even somewhat productive was shoot one single arrow into a bad guy, and now she’s a war hero. Think about it, Lucy starts the adventure, Edmund introduces pandemonium and screws it up for everybody, and Peter resolves it. What does Susan do except complain about going home? She is totally worthless and yet she still gets equal treatment along with Peter. For shame….

2. These kids are only assumed to be the right people that everyone is looking for. I guess the prophecy said “any 4 kids will do” because that’s exactly what Narnia got. Just four ordinary British kids who like to eat scones and play croquet, just like all the other normal children. It reminds me of a Simpson’s Halloween episode where Ned Flanders is the unquestioned lord of the universe. Its like, the kids are seen, assumed to be the right ones and forced to fight in a battle they have nothing to do with. These kids don't even want to do all this stuff, it is thrust upon them by a talking Lion. It’s too bad they didn’t get anybody else because I’m telling you, any other kid would have at least tried not to hold that sword like a girl, sorta the way Peter did. It’s like “C-mon peter it’s a dog. Just take a swing at it or something” Instead he comes up with his brilliant plan to stab…..THE ICE!!! I don’t know what made him think this was the best plan of action but whatever……

3. I like the way Lucy has the amazing ability to cry without shedding any tears. Now that’s talent. How come they didn’t get Dakota Fanning on this one? Oh that’s right. She’s not British. Too bad.

4. The part where Aslan tackles the queen and eats her face. Just awesome.

Now some things I didn’t like about the movie.

1. No blood. If you’re in a swordfight or battle for at least a half hour like Peter was, chances are your sword might have some blood on it. His did not, which leads me to the conclusion that he really didn’t help at all during the final battle. He just rode around hitting air and metal until he was told to retreat. Que Lastima…..

2. No decapitations. Now I don’t expect total Braveheart stuff here, but logic leads me to believe that if your running at something at 25 miles per hour on a horse, and you swing your sword at something (or someone) running at you at 20-25 miles per hour, I don’t care what you say, something is coming off.

3. Santa Claus. Ummmmmmm…….. what?

4. The fact that the River has “been frozen solid for a hundred years.” And yet the kids don’t so much as quiver when they are swept downstream. Those coats must be super-duper insulated.

Well That’s my review on the movie for now. I might add some more later. Yea I know, its not much, but the only reason I’m not writing more is because I’m really tired and most of the movie is starting to fade with my consciousness. I hope to hear good stuff.
~Ian